| Gah i haven't been to this thing since like november, i think, but umm here i am anyways. I have been lost on other sites like vampire freaks, my space, and the dilly. But oh man i think its time to bring this journal back to its pathetic life. . . .
Ok so i'm just gonna state a few things that went on while i was away.
I got with wes and he ended up breaking my heart by leaving me for his bitch as xg/f now g/f (grrrrrrrrr)and may i mention that he is the biggest asshole alive eventhough ppl say he's nice, really he's not.
After him i really got attached to angel, i grew to like him . . . a lot. But i refused to be the second plate on the table so he broke up with me and the saddest thing is that i still miss him and feel as if i can't breathe without him . . . well your breathing right now? one may ask, well of course i am silly but i feel as if i can't >:0 so don't get me started. But i'm so like blah blah, why do you want him back he was a fucking jerk to you and his girlfriend for playing mind games. ANGEL I FUCKING MISS YOU!!!!! I MISS HOLDING YOU!!!! I MISS WALKING TO YOUR HOUSE AT 12 IN THE MORNING JUST TO LAY RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, JUST TO HOLD YOU CLOSE TO ME!!!
So yes i've been miserably alone and i've been hating on couples. How can cruelty be brought down upon me . . . .but meh enough drama for thats all i create when i'm bored. . . . | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Subject: | lonesome | | Time: | 08:55 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/loved.gif) loved |
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| | Gah . . . . i've been feeling somewhat depressed lately but have no clue why. I have no reason to be depressed i'm happy with how my life is right now except with the fact that i'm stressing that whole stupid college thing and their deadlines hmmmm . . . . dec. 1st coming up really quickly. I have only gotten a chance to get an application from triton and well i still need one for morton college . . . garrr why does this have to be so cmplicated !? hmmmm . . . almost 18, you know what that means Shaving! . . . (lol) no, freedom . . possibly i can't wait until i get the freedom to hang out with ppl not really people more like Wes seeing the fact that i'm a loner and don't talk to many . . . garrrr i've tried to be open with people but i just can't, what i do is between me and i don't like other peopl knowing unless i'm showing off which is not quite frequent . . . not even frequent at all! And well this Antonio matter i don't even talk to him at all yes . .. i see him in school and waits for me after 2nd and 3rd hour but his like a brick wall his always there but never says anything but heh it would be pretty funny if a wall was to say somehting wow! wouldn't that be something! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | as it is stated above i am morbidly depressed for i am all alone once again. but it's my decision being alone, for it is the only way for me to get over all of my ex's. i broke up with antonio during the summer and well it has been going great he is like my best friend in some sort of way but now that we're back in school people think that we got back together because we are always together and it kind of bothers me because i feel as if i'm living in sufacation recklessly abliged to everything. homecoming was on saturday night and who did i spend the night with fallowing me around antonio! Wesley was there with his girlfriend i got so fucken jealous and pissed off eventhough i don't even talk to him but i guess you can call obsession eventhough i deny it but what can i say he is so fucken hot!!!!!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| The night is long . . . silence overcomed the shattered room. Blood lays splattered on the walls. The mourning souls were set released from their unlit chambers. The howlings, the screams, and the sounds of cries sorround what seems to be a hollow corps laying on the cold unearthed dirt.
The virgin ground has tainted by the lonliness of an unwanted beating heart which now rests upon a gravestone of he who could not be loved for his face was hedeous . . . a horrible monster - as called by mankind - secluded in his tumbling wooden shed living ashamed of what he was and of what he wasn't.
His eyes showed an empty passage to a tortured soul demented by all the criticism and ignorance in which society bestowed upon him . . . . but all was now said and done.
A mob of men with pitchforks reached the wooden shed and with one solid kick the door feel to the ground and broke into pieces. The men in they walked, in search for the horrible beast. The couch to their left was torn and dusty which held a group of rats tearing a cat to pieces and eating its heart, grossed out by the site the men quickly stepped out of the room and headed to an upstairs bedroom. In the one corner they saw a shadow of a man sitting . . . crying staring out a window which contained no glass. One of the men got his pitchfork and stabbed him right on his chest. The beast led out a great howl as his pure blood stained the walls in which sorrounded him. Scared by the screams and moans of an innocent man the men ran out except one . . . the one who commited the dirty deed. The man yanked the pitchfork out the "monsters" chest pulling his heart out along with it.
The "man" dragged the beast out to the closest cemetery and placed him underneath a headstone where the the heart was set still beating . . . . as the blood of a man ran down the headstone onto the ground. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Avril Lavigne (My Happy Ending) | | Subject: | Random | | Time: | 03:55 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/silly.gif) weird |
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| | I feel very random right now and bored . . . just got [VF] i think i got my skirt in the mail already but just don't have it with me b/c they failed to ring the stupid doorbell so now i have to pick it up at the post office tomorrow after i get done with work. But hmmmm . . . yeah i went to work today (busy indeed it was) but i got a good 5 hrs. out of it - i'm thinking of quiting but i'm not sure yet, i don't know what to do i am so indecisive <<< heh i don't even know if it's spelled right and i'm too lazy to look at the dictionary for the word >>>>>>> so blah blah blah don't know what to say. Stupid Avril Lavigne . . . my sister has me listening to her but there is this song i like in her new cd My Happy Ending (i guess i'm still waiting for my happy ending but then again happiness is only an option) and the guy in her video is hotttt heh heh heh i guess i'm bored . . . . | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | The Price of Beauty (My Dying Bride) | | Time: | 02:34 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/sad.gif) lonely |
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| thoughts in mind:
Tis thy darkened soul in which corrupted thee. Shall the form of he take over the most abrubt thoughts in ye?
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Heh. There isn't much to say but then again i guess there is, since i haven't been on here for a while. To begin with, vampirefreaks has been taking up much of my time well basically all of my time . . . ::sighs:: there are so many beautifull people on there - it makes me feel welcomed. I have met so many cool people on there and once again i thank you Brandon! : ) hmmmmm . . . . . moving on . . . . summer school is almost over yay !!!!!!!! i am ever so glad ::twirls in a happy dance:: But now that summer school is (almost) over, my job will take over - i work at Mcdonald's which really blows !!!!!!!! alot but heh i guess it's worth it - i've been a manager there for two months already and well freeeeee food that's all that matters but what's the use i'm vegetarian heh heh heh i've been vegetarian for a year and half now. I guess i've changed since i moved from my old crappy neighborhood. And the cool thing is that i have alot of little ones who look up to me and that makes me feel good and stuff and hey what the hell i've become more self-centered and self-conscious - yes i'm into myself a lot !!!!!!!!! and i don't care what you think.
But changing subject . . . yet sometimes i feel so empty inside the pain and tears have not yet been healed, but what is there to do? . . . . . boredom . . . . hits my brain . . . . . it is sooooooooooo boring - don't know what else to write, i know - Antonio . . . he is going to virginia on thursday oh how i'm going to miss him dearly but how can i miss him when he calls me 24/7 (it is sometimes very annoying and i already told him) but i adore him so much - he is my only one, the only one i can depend on when i'm down or when i need someone he he he he i can say he has been my best boyfriend : ) and the good thing about him is that he doesn't like arguing or do some of the other crap my ex's did like drugs, cigarettes, or alcohol . . . . Antonio i adore you so much !!!!!!!! how i wish you were with me right now !!!!!! i feel so lonely without you : ( and by the way happy 6th month anniversarry!
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there will be no quote of the day or word of the day - i have written enough, don't you think? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | in the darkness of the night in which i'm obliged by there is not but one sound in which entices | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | deicide - oblivious to evil | | Time: | 03:56 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/happy.gif) amused |
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| thought in mind:
in the stage of mind where nothing can be left alone there is a path of destruction and humiliation that only leaves behind bits of stains that mark your life until the smallest things take you down and nothing else can bring you up.
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let us see . . . i was supposed write in here yesterday but i was busy the whole day. well anyways Brad calls me at 12:50 in the morning to let me know that he got fired from his job and the messed up is that his own grandpa fired him. besides telling me that,he also tells me that he really likes me alot and that i am the best thing that has happened in him since a while now - and well really i didn't respond to that message . . . i only see him as a friend. and joe (hi joe) oh this guy i met at texas (really cool guy by the way). i've been talking to him for a while now. so hmmmm . . . i failed my midterm for algebra i am so smart ;) - but i had a retake so i think i did good. Oh and Necro just incase you read this i hate [VF] now! Gothtec kicked me out b/c he hates me and he's evil - but ummmm . . . no i think he kicked me out b/c i posted something about how i hate the word goth to label ppl and well you know how this goes (we already talked about it)but yeah i think he despises me b/c he has labeled himself goth ever since he was 18 (hmmmm . . . i think)- so now i have to send him a hate e-mail . . . lol . . . no i woun't (i'm not mean)but i do have to keep in touch with him - well hope to talk to you soon when you're not too busy with [VF]. bye
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word of the day:
Necromimesis - feigning death; the delusion of being dead
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quote of the day:
"Dead of the defiled the rituals of dreams and dillusion unlock the box and gimp in pain - Summon the demonds of darkness. Evil Gods that fast with flesh prepare me for the dead. Release me from the angels so righteous - for your god is dead."
- Deicide (oblivious to evil) | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Norther - nothing left | | Subject: | her i am . . . . | | Time: | 11:00 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/sleepy.gif) tired |
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| thoughts in mind:
in a matter of time everything will be taken away what seemed like yesterday will soon be forgotten and u are left with the most faintest memories . . . memories in which merely caused u to loose ur mind. and ur oblivion is only the beginning of ur ignorance.
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hmmmm . . . summer school - can't complain b/c i really need that class in order to graduate this upcoming schoolyear. but i can't really see where i'm getting to . . . right now at this moment i am lost >> like always >> and i have no clue what i want or what i should do with my pathetic life since there isn't much to do. but i really don't know what's going on with the ocurrance from the accident and all >> all i hope is that we woun't have to pay for the costs b/c that would be alot. and that is the end for me - i will never drive again >> quiter >> but hey that's me . but i'm kind of happy b/c i bought a black pvc skirt >> it is so cute!!!!
but then my guilt kicks in . . .
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word of the day:
jeremiad - mournful prophecy, story, or complaint
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quote of the day:
"I am all alone in this pitch-black night.
All my dreams in vain >> I am the one who lost the
fight . . . .Black shadows around me - no hope, no light left inside.Heartless I am >> it's time to cut, bleed and die"
-norther (nothing left) | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | My Dying Bride - MY WINE MY SILENCE | | Time: | 11:17 pm | | Current Mood: | guilty |
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| current words in my mind:
Oblivion seems to come closer into my doorway. As i step away from it all - the obscurity slowly blinds my eyes. For i can no longer see a thing in my future; but can only see the past in which haunts me everyday of my immortal life.
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But anyways there hasn't been anything interesting lately. Except the fact that i have returned from texas and that a car ran into me on our way home which really sucked because i felt horrible and still do - but as i was reminded accidents do occure :( - unfortunately! But hey the good thing - i was driven home in a limo :)
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word of the day
necrolatry - worship of the dead
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| I have now spent my time here - for now it is time to leave. The day has been tiring < don't even know if it's a real word> but it is now the end until a couple of weeks. I will be back in time for other things that must be done. For i can only expect the best out there. I must now be on my.
so long away | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am blind and ignorant to those who decide to be and act dumb. For i do not enjoy their company. The idiotic remarks in which they speak of do not appeal me - for i do not understand their motive in doing so . . . Yes i will admit i have been stereotypical and hypocritical for i wished not to be for i must learn to stop. My motives are not to be cruel for I do not wish to bring pain to others the way it was brought upon me. I want to leave >> go away from society >> for i cannot . . . it is gaining down on me like the way a pack of hungry wolves gain down on their prey . . . for i cannot escape . . . for it is too late to run away from it all. For i do not blame myself for what society has brought before me.
Is it me or not . . . my ignorance in which i have no need of. The need of survival only lives within those who have the need to suicide. For they can only live in oblivion. The shadows in which are set apart by barriers are slowly prevented to prevail. The pain of agony in those who cannot see, for tey are blinded, slowly lose their sense of feeling for they live in the core of those who manipulate others and become the corruption of those who cannot run away from it all... If there only was a way to run away from it all. To deprive them from their ignorance which slowly destroys what should be "our" society for there are many trying to escape this immense hypocrisy prefusing into the world like cyanogen.
This is just something to think about - when there is nothing else to think about. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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